A gripe.

Subject: Merchandise exchange/body dysmorphic disorder

Dear high-end Brooklyn boutique,

Thank you for the lovely package, the tape is really cute. Unfortunately, the pants that you sent me make my ass look enormous. I have read your return policy: Items over 30% off are final sale. Therefore I must issue an ultimatum: Accept my return and issue me store credit or watch as I develop body dysmorphic disorder trying to fit into them.

Please get back to me at your earliest convenience.

Thanks! Xoxoxo!

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