Subject: Merchandise exchange/body dysmorphic disorder
Dear high-end Brooklyn boutique,
Thank you for the lovely package, the tape is really cute. Unfortunately, the pants that you sent me make my ass look enormous. I have read your return policy: Items over 30% off are final sale. Therefore I must issue an ultimatum: Accept my return and issue me store credit or watch as I develop body dysmorphic disorder trying to fit into them.
Please get back to me at your earliest convenience.